Sleep Disease

That's what winter means to me: punk, post punk, grunge, alternative rock and glam rock.
'God save the queen', 'Anarchy in the U.K.', 'Welcome to my Babylon', 'Tokyo', 'Wizard', 'Cracker's baby', 'strawberry', 'Too fast to die', 'Psycho', 'Liberation', 'In bloom', 'Breed', 'Territorial Pissings', 'Lounge attack', 'On a plain', 'Endless, Nameless', 'Dumb', 'Plateau', 'Apocalypse Please', 'Time is running out', 'Sing for Absolution', 'Stockholm syndrome', 'Hysteria', 'Butterflies and Hurricanes', 'Endlessly', 'Ruled by secrecy', 'Supermassive black hole', 'Citizen erased', 'Feeling good', 'Uno', 'Paranoid android', 'Subterranean Homesick Alien', 'Climbing up the walls', 'Let down', 'You', 'Creep', 'How do you-', 'Anyone can play guitar', 'Vegetable', 'Street Spirit', 'Haemoglobin', 'Black market blood', 'English summer rain', 'Something rotten', 'Special needs', 'Protect me from what I want', 'Pure morning', 'Every You every me'...
Out all of these, my favorite is Placebo-'Special needs'...
The virus in my closet agrees...

On the other side of the table sits Santa. Unbelievable, but true. He arrived, as promised, and knocked on my door. Thank God he didn't use the window this time. I'm the type of person that doesn't exactly sleep at night, especially if it's winter break, so I have this chance of meeting and having a good talk with Santa every time he plans to visit my house.
The part that surprised me is that Santa wasn't the old man anymore. Apparently he retired and let one of his trusted students to take over. Santa is now, of course, a young man. I wonder if there will ever be a young woman as Santa Clause.
I served him some hot chocolate and sweets. What will he say, I wonder... What story will he tell me?
Apparently, the old man gave him some homework: to decide whether the kids on the list deserve the presents, or not, based on some facts. Because I am such a good girl, I decided to help him.
First kid: he likes punk rock music and he is playing in a band, with a few friends from school who share his interests. He made his neighbors angry a few times because of the excessive noise, but he's not really a bad kid. He doesn't talk too much, but when he does he uses sarcasm as a weapon against who ever was talking to him. He's not using "bad words", but he's not exactly nice to girls. Hiss grades aren't bad at all, and he's not on bad terms with the teachers either. He has lots of friends who he cherishes. He wants a BOSS Md-2 Mega Distortion pedal and a girlfriend.
"This little brat can go fuck himself, he's really on the black list. And how the fuck am I supposed to give him a girlfriend?!" the new Santa said.
"I don't know, but he doesn't seem that bad. He has a dream, he has good grades. As for the girlfriend, give him some porn."
"He doesn't seem bad? Holy ghost, this little brat is listening to PUNK! And he's not nice to girls!"
"Well, your language isn't really adequate for Santa Clause either. You're worse than the old man! And I think you got the wrong house, Santa."
"Why's that?"
"I'm one of those little brats who listen to the mighty Punk which brings all the bad things to the world!"
"Unbelievable! Oh, holy ghost..."
"What?"
"..."
"You just said..."oh, holy ghost.."
"You're the holy ghost?"
"Hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Ghost. Holy Ghost."
"Jesus!"
"That guy lives in the other part of the down. If he didn't already leave."
"Am I even in the right world?"
"Yes you are, and I think you have to move your ass and deliver those presents. Let me see that fucking list...Let's see: punk, brat, killer, psychopath...Ahh, whatever. They're all good kids. I bet you have the address on every damn present. That means you don't even have to look on the list."
"Ah....true.."
"Mr. Santa Clause...you are a little bit stupid."
"Indeed. I'm off. See you next Christmas!"
"Take care! Bye bye!"
And so my meeting with the young Santa ended. I've poured some hot chocolate in my cheap mug, and I am now sipping cheerfully, while waiting for an explanation from the old man. This Christmas is nice after all.

Holding onto the little box in her hand,
Hiding her tears from the rest of the world,
The memories fall into space quietly,
How many words will you shout to reach him?
How many words will hurt him?

She could have said “Goodbye” to him,
She could have run away in the darkest corner of his vision,
She’s left with no power in her voice,
Linking them now,
There’s no piece to achieve....

Slowly her hope is lost,
Quietly her sobbing stops,
Even the night can’t hide her sadness,
When will she wake up and wither?

The sky they’ve seen that night
Those summer days of sin,
“I’ll be with you”
Lost in the world of confusion,
“Let’s hold hands till the next train station”
Dancing with the feeling of ecstasy,
The warmer it gets the more the bond gets stronger,
“We’ll walk this path tomorrow also, right?”
A smile which leads life farther,
The moment time stopped, everything broke.
Dropping the ring of fate,
Her wings spread, she’s flying away.

How many words do you need to end this?
The heart beat she listened to until she fell asleep,
Is no longer there.

So let’s stay as we are now, frozen in time,
“I’ll be with you”
That’s why the flower you protected so much,
Will now wither and disappear...
The colder it gets, the more the distance grows bigger,
Tell her now if the future she hopes for will ever come,
In the waiting room now, the only one who’s crying
Is you and only you...
“I’ll follow you till the end of the world”
Even the most precious lies,
Can’t lead her to the next train station now...

It's the 'Bomb effect'. Your insides burn, and get eaten by a black hole, and then... you're empty. Your eyes are on the floor, sweating their ass off, while you're trying to find the image again. 'Ah, it must be that fucking hacker from last night.' you think. But no, it's not. Your data is still there, alive and full of energy. And when you finally make a plan to get out of the shit, like in that cool movie with Bruce Willis you saw last night, while you wondered if there could be a bigger shit than what you were watching on the damn old TV on the so famous HBO, BAM! Light is home! You can actually see the ceiling pointing a gun at you!
No, wait...that's your father pointing a gun at you...What can you do about it?! You always mistake him for anything that's large...
No! 'Everything must be an illusion' you say to yourself. And your brain gets distracted...by the floor which took the shape of water. And then it hit you: you never learned to swim. 'Panic! I have to panic!' but nothing comes out of your heart, out of your lungs, except worms... poor creatures! They didn't really have what to eat...damn cigarettes! NO! DAMN CANCER! He's the one we should blame!
Here comes the legendary yellow duck! 'You're cool like plastic, Mss. Duck!' you shout. ' Mss. my ass! Can't you see I'm male?!' it shouts back. And what an ass he had!
And then, when you were starting to enjoy the conversation with Mss....no...Mr. Duck, someone decides to give you a nice pat on the back and block your airways. 'Spit everything out!' your brain says, but you want to hold onto the sensation a little longer and endure the horrible feeling of wanting to vomit. It grows on you, it's pure ecstasy. Your whole body is on fire, but it's nice. It's winter after all, and outside are -10 degrees Celsius.
But it has to end somehow. The floor is no longer water, but transforms into pure air. Your legs ,which you were staring at, become bigger and bigger and slowly leave the ground. The light is way too powerful, the music you were listening to is too loud, you can hear everything clearly, you can see everything ten times better.
Your tongue is now numb, and your teeth hurt. You want something or someone to move it but no one's near. Your airways are on fire and you can barely breathe. You can't swallow anything, it gets stuck in your throat and you can't do anything but spit everything out.
Your world is spinning and your eyes hurt, but your whole body is relaxing and goes to sleep quietly.
My sister has regained her rationality and gave me weed...we should celebrate....less than a week till Christmas. And I want to see Mr. Duck again. He was funny.

Even after all this time has passed,
“One day I’ll destroy you”
Has never changed,
But my eyes just won’t leave that scene,
That long journey of filth and disgust...

Exposing myself in the center of the room,
‘I’m being erased’
Has never left me,
But my ears just won’t leave that sound,
The deep voice of abandon...

Dancing with you away from the circle,
Measuring the distance and running away,
Watching the stars as they slowly faded away,
Greeting a sun which never woke up,
Being the doll has never been easy...

Tonight everything will end,
How many times did I say that to myself?
This will continue as long as he wants,
Giving everything from my pockets,
I can't do anything, but be left with my emptiness
And refilling myself as my goal....

Just wanting to be loved,
Will not have results,
I’ll find a new toy and leave you,
End the game and crush you with my hands,
Because it’s troublesome.

Falling in love isn’t a solution,
A weakness created by a pair of lips,
It’s no use, but live with it.
I can’t do anything but laugh
As you cover your ears
And shut yourself away from the noise.

This beginning is not that different
From the time I was pulled out,
The same touches,
The same places,
My body shivers as it brutally falls
And the floor says “Good Morning”.

Just wanting to be hated,
Will not have results,
It’s just way too sweet
For those sharp exploring tongues.
Closing yourself in your mother’s closet
This is the solution you’ve seen,
How far can you go?

The faint scent of flesh just won’t leave my senses,
It will be your final blow
As your mind creates an arch,
I’ll watch the festival’s fireworks display
From the bottom of your head...
One day I’ll destroy you....

The white flag held while gloriously smiling,
Crying in despair, a mother whose child has gone away;
The mass of people fighting for nothing,
A red scattered on a withered flower,
This has nothing to do with our broken vision....

Loosing interest in our abilities,
He throws us away in the mud together with them,
The weapon of courage,
Even the blood takes form and complains.
Who are you to judge us?

At a perfect time, we take action
Say “Goodbye” to your wounds and retreat,
You’ll see the day of tomorrow
Even if the color of sin fills your future,
This pain you gave birth to won’t go away...
From time to time, please pray... even if it’s meaningless...

The distorted faces she saw in her dream,
Weren’t they your soon to be achieved dreams?
You who commands for fire to take form,
The voice of blame has now taken you along,
You can’t do anything but laugh at the rotten....

At a perfect time, we take action
Say “Goodbye” to your wounds and retreat,
You’ll see the day of tomorrow
Even if the color of sin fills your future,
This pain you gave birth to won’t go away...
From time to time, please pray... even if it’s meaningless...

Please come back and smile more....
Please come back and smile more...
Please come back and smile more...
Erase yourself...

I might be talking in my sleep,
But, baby, I can’t remember
Those words I said after the milk had been spilled;

I might be walking in my sleep,
But, baby, I can’t remember
That scream which took me away from my God.

I might be crying in my sleep,
But, baby, I can’t remember
Those stone-cold eyes of yours
After those little hands reached my neck.

I might be breathing in my sleep,
And, baby, this is your madness, still
I can’t remember why I closed my eyes
When your flesh sensed contentment.

I might be fully awake now,
But, baby, insomnia kills
And I still can’t understand
Why my blade wanted to feel you,,,,

Taking a deep breath in,
We’ll just prepare to cut the sky,
With a screaming soul along,
We won’t be disappointing anyone,
I’m still waiting here....

It’s the same as ever
The voice of blossoming youth,
It’s mine and only mine,
Pay the price to get it,
Watching your step so not to fall....

Mistaking you for someone else,
A smile which went along,
Climb the stairs to the top,
We’ll meet again
Under a tearful sky...

This way, traveling to nowhere,
The darkness will fade away,
As we’ll sing our mind for anyone to hear...

It’s always the same damn problem,
The complaining voice of expectations,
Don’t trust anyone
As this will be my salvation.
Erase everything from my way,
I’ll take a glimpse at your weak heart,
Let’s put an end to it....
Let’s take it from the beginning...

By only those words,
Your body shakes in fear,
You wanted to feel that happiness,
Now scattered everywhere in a dark room.

I sit in the middle of traffic,
And feel the stress pile up,
Wanted to look at the reality,
I open up my eyes,
But everything stopped (working)....

This way, traveling to nowhere,
The darkness will fade away,
As we’ll sing our mind for anyone to hear...

It’s always the same damn problem,
The complaining voice of expectations,
Don’t trust anyone
As this will be my salvation.
Erase everything from my way,
I’ll take a glimpse at your weak heart,
Let’s put an end to it....
Let’s take it from the beginning...

Walking silently a hard path,
Taking the courage to speak up,
It’s not only you who’s living,
Look at your surroundings,
It’s for your tomorrow...

Joking about a never coming future,
Look at your steps so not to fall,
In this darkness which bloomed in my mind,
You’ll be drowned in newspapers
And the TV won’t make you any good...

It’s always the same damn problem,
The complaining voice of expectations,
Don’t trust anyone
As this will be my salvation.
Erase everything from my way,
I’ll take a glimpse at your weak heart,
Let’s stop for a second and look into it...

I don’t need this air,
The smoke is enough,
Fill me up with angst,
I’ll shut my mouth.

Don’t worry, mom,
The strings I used this time won’t break,
I tied it properly, you see...
So stop shouting at me....

What are these whispers?
Dad, why did you come?
You shouldn’t be here,
Crimson’s a drug....

My fingers you kept untouched,
I will frame them now,
Look at how beautiful they are,
Your heart is on fire....

Sister, don’t be sad,
I’ll give you a human-sized doll
I promised you after-all
I won’t be mad.

Why won’t you say anything?
I won’t allow your tears to fall,
Else they’ll break the crimson I created,
I worked so hard, please diligent, my fated...

You wanted my smile so I’ll give it to you,
I’ve put it afar
I kept it from you, but
I want it back, while I search for a cure...

My mind will soon scatter,
I hanged my eyes upon the red string of fate,
So you hear, my dear listener,
A world is not that hard to make,
If you destroyed everything that has been created.

Dear shadow,
As you could see, the monument I passed by today decided to tell me its deepest secret. As you know, I have this weird habit of sharing stories with walls, but this is the first time I ever talked with an art piece. It wasn't a great art piece though, just some rock in the middle of a park. Its form reminded me of a... how could you describe it? An enormous rock, I suppose.
It almost started crying when seeing me, shouting "Mother! My dear lost mother! There you were! You were in front of me all the time and I didn't notice you? How rude of me, dear mother!". I looked around confused, but only saw an innocent bird fighting with a worm. The monument was obviously talking to me. There was no time for me to creep out, because "the thing" was desperate. It wanted to confess.
"Mother, the time has changed. The trees are older, and the world is a little bit more peaceful. The wind has become softer, and the rain has become unbearable. I think you already know what I want to say. Yes, I am living my last months, mother. Your appearance here, is one other signal which has been sent to me. Oh, my dear lost mother, you can't even imagine how I am feeling right now! I am happy to see you, but in the same time my heart gives birth to a faint feeling of sadness. But, mother, what I really wanted to tell you is not this, but the simple fact that I forgive you and your actions which have deeply affected me. But no worry, mother, you are now forgiven. However, could I have one selfish request? I want you to hug your long lost child."
Before I could say anything, a voice coming from the ground had answered to the monument's request. "Of course, my dear.". And what did my eyes see? A pebble moving desperately. As little as it was, it couldn't move by its own, so she asked me with its same tiny voice "Could you please take me to my son?". I did as I was asked.
I, again, have seen and heard something I shouldn't have. I left confused, and told this tale to my dear walls at home.

Believe it or not, I'm keeping a virus in my closet. Don't worry, I'm not hiding it. It's his home.
He appeared at my door after he peeped through the door hole and apparently saw an alien on my head, trying to eat my brain. After a short discussion with the panicked "creature", I found out the "alien" was actually my hair, black and of medium length at the said moment. This is how I realized aliens are black and hairy. Oh, and their food is "the human brain" apparently.
Going back on track, this "virus" is a cute, little and noisy creature. He sleeps in the day and doesn't let me sleep at night. At his request, I gave him a name: "SD", from "Sleep Disease". I still can't decide upon a pronunciation of his name, but for now I'll stick to "Sidy". Why? No special reason.
As he's now insisting on writing an introduction for myself, I'll give you the following information:
Name: Ray
Birthday: 8th October 1187
Blood Type: B
Hometown: Eden
Currently living in: the sand
Favorite food: sweets
Disliked food: onions, garlic, fried fish
Favorite drink: orange juice, tea, white wine, liquor, vodka
Favorite animals: tiger, dragon, computer
Hobby: reading, writing, watching movies, drawing, photography
Loves: guitars, drums, piercings, tattoos, music, weirdness
Favorite writer: Haruki Murakami, Ryu Murakami

The rest shall be written later...