Sleep Disease

Hey, it's finally autumn, you know! I can't believe I'm writing you. I know I made up my mind way too late and you won't be able to read all this, but this way I believe I can give you my final answer.
It's raining. Million of small drops are simultaneously hitting the ground. And the sound..."marching cats" you said once. Do you remember? You were sitting at the window, looking outside at the rain and when you finally gazed at me, you said "it sounds like marching cats coming to get you. It's making my heart race in excitement". You took my hand and held me in your arms, explaining yourself with "I'm cold. Your room's too empty". My room has always been empty, big and cold. Rainy or snowy days were the worst. The moment you stepped in, you started making plans on filling it with things: photos, CDs, scattered clothes, your guitar, your voice...
We could almost see our breath in the air, but we stayed like that, holding each other and looking at the falling rain.As I drifted into a dream, you'd sing softly a tune I remember even now..."Memory". It was a song on your favorite soundtrack.
Do you remember the shirt with the blue fish? You gave me one like that. You had another one you were wearing, only the fish on it was red. "Because whenever we're smoking you're talking about a blue fish"...It's because a blue fish is freedom. That's my flag. When you heard me you said "Yeah, freedom is a pure feeling". I didn't know how to respond at that time, because even if I proudly showed such a flag, I hadn't tasted any freedom, yet.
Now, as you left me in empty world, where no rules, no love, no hate, feeling, no sensation has penetrated the walls yet, I can finally see, feel, taste, smell, embrace freedom, because this is the only thing I'm left with.
Freedom is pure loneliness.